About Grief
Losing someone you care about can be one of life’s most difficult experiences. There are no easy answers when trying to help a bereaved family come to terms with their loss. Every situation is unique and people react in very different ways.
At George Brooke, we believe we have an important responsibility to care for our families, not just by offering support during the funeral, but especially through the difficult days that may follow.
Dr Bill Webster has a website entitled Grief Journey which is very useful to all those suffering a sad loss. There are many links and resources that you may wish to look through, that may help you through this difficult time.
Dr Webster highlights many different aspects involved in coping with bereavement. We trust his advice will help you realise that the difficult times you may experience and the emotions you face are natural, and that your grief is natural.
The act of grieving
Grieving is a natural process that can take place after any kind of loss. When a loved one passes away this can be a very overpowering emotion that has to run its course. There are a whole succession of different feelings that can take some time to go through and must not be hurried. Although people are all individuals, the order in which they go through these feelings is very similar. For some hours or days following the death of someone who is close, most people feel totally stunned. A feeling of disbelief is common, even if the death has been expected, say after a long period of illness. This feeling of emotional numbness can actually be a help in dealing with the various practical arrangements that have to be made.
Grief throughout the years
Grief can be sparked off many months after the death by things that bring back memories. It can be difficult for other people to understand or cope with someone who bursts into tears for no apparent reason. Some people who can’t deal with this, tend to stay away at the time they are needed most of all. It is best to return to a normal life as soon as possible, try to resume normal activities. The phrase ‘Time is a great healer’ is in most cases certainly true, however the pain of losing a loved one never entirely disappears, nor should it be expected to.
Numbness
Feelings of numbness or intense emotion can affect the bereaved in their everyday life, both are common and natural. It may be difficult to relax, concentrate or even sleep properly. Some people experience extremely disturbing dreams, others say that they actually see their loved ones everywhere they go, more commonly in the places they used to spend time together. It is also quite usual to feel angry at this time – towards doctors and medical staff for not preventing the death, towards people around them such as friends and relatives, or even towards the person who has left them.
Guilt
Another common feeling is guilt. It is likely that the bereaved may even consider what they could have done to beyond the control of anyone, and they must be reminded of this.
Guilt is often experienced if a sense of relief is felt when someone has died, particularly after a distressing illness. This feeling of relief is perfectly natural and very common and is nothing to feel guilty about. These strong and confusing emotions are generally felt for about two weeks or so after the death and are generally followed by periods of sadness and depression.